A year ago today we knew Larisa would check into the hospital in the morning, It was Sunday and Caleb was scheduled to enter this world Monday morning. It was also grandparents day, We got a card and a bag of chocolates from Larisa and Trace and Caleb.
That next morning, we waited- until we heard- we knew there would be issues, but we just didn't know how severe they would be. So many of you hit your knees in payer, and we thank you deeply.
God answered our prayers differently than we had hoped, he chose to take Caleb home, to live a life without pain and struggle. Caleb left and we were left with that pain and struggle.
My heart hurt so deeply, my throat had a lump the size of a fist, my eyes were swollen with tears and I was in a fog as we drove home from the hospital that night.
I watched my child hold her child as he left this world. I saw the deepest pain in their eyes and I could barely breathe.
Some days, I don't cry, most days I still have a few tears. Some days that lump in my throat comes back, the one that hurts from trying to stop the pain in your heart from rising, it gets stuck right there, the tears come, the deep sigh and soon that lump withers.
I love chocolate, too much in fact, but that bag stayed in my cupboard until November. I just couldn't.....One day, I opened it and had a sweet piece. Part of me felt guilty as though I should have that bag forever, part of me felt free in accepting his passing. Still I wish tomorrow we would be watching him pull himself up and giggle and open his own presents, and eat chocolate.
But, we will celebrate him in a different way. We will celebrate that we knew him if only for a moment. We will celebrate his strength and love in the presence of his Savior. We will celebrate his healing.
I thank God for his strength and for watching him hold up and , they have been an inspiration to me.
Forest Gump's momma had it right when she said, "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get." Sometimes you don't get what you want, you can spit it out and be bitter, or you can take what sweetness is there, swallow hard, and carry on.
blessings and thanks for visiting
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